The Non-Student Student

Well, last night was my first of 14 classes in Foundations in Social Justice at Loyola University. But I'm not really a student - yet.

The Greek class confirmed a desire for a masters in biblical justice. Loyola University has a Masters of Social Justice Program that looks great.

However, I am still hoping to work through North Park Theological Seminary. Interestingly, I learned they were moving toward a Biblical Justice major before budget cuts, so they are particularly interested in helping me. The course(s) at Loyola would then be transferred in as electives. I should know by end of next week.

Fuller also wants to work with me and their structure is similar to NPTS. Will I be living on the west coast again someday? That, too, is a factor.

So I applied as a non-degree student, which still required having my transcripts sent to Loyola.

As I was heading downtown - the campus is RIGHT behind Chicago's Water Tower! - my phone rang. My transcripts had not yet come; they could not accept me as a student. Would I please meet with so-and-so to arrange to be a SPECIAL student until the transcripts arrive?

So I went from a graduate student to a non-degree student to a special student. If I were more Congolese, I'd be really insulted. :)

There were about 30 students, far more than I anticipated, and again I may be the oldest there.

Loved everything I heard!

But what a difference: left last night - and haven't touched the books since. Bit different than the whirlwind of Greek!

PS I got my final grade and I did pass Greek just fine. :)

The Finish Line

Finally! I have crossed the finished line! I took the three-hour final for which we were given a passage and expected to break down each word, translate into English and explain grammatically what was happening. Once again I am beating myself up, but I won't go there. Instead, I want to reflect briefly on the the real results.

1. I look at Scripture so much differently! Remember, the course is called BEGINNING Greek; there is no assumption of expertise in understanding it on a deeper level, but still there is a budding ability to see a tad bit deeper into a passage. It will certainly help me to use more technical Bible commentaries.

2. At the same time, I am more aware of how much the translator's opinion influences the final translation! FAR more than I knew! In fact, I would highly recommend reading The Blue Parakeet by Scott McKnight for appreciating your own reading of Scripture.

3. I am more appreciative of understanding the original context of a passage AND cautiously using imagination to appreciate the impact of a teaching on the original audience. Logical exegesis trumps critical imagination; yet the latter plays a role in unpacking a text.

4. There is the exquisite joy of accomplishing a challenge! :) Even after being away from academic rigors for so many years, it was doable.

5. I lost weight! At the most, 8 pounds. No, I am NOT recommending this as a weight-loss regimen.

6. There are nine people I had never met before who are now "family".

The whole journey was one of sweet fellowship with my Lord. I think I mentioned at one point that I imagined his hand on my shoulder at those moments when I was faltering. Communing with him throughout this saga has been one of its great blessings. Reading his very own words in Greek (No I am NOT learning any other Biblical languages!!) and imagining being in the audience THEN has brought new life to "hearing" them NOW. That is the greatest take away of all!

Thank you so much for walking with me on this journey. I deeply appreciated those of you who took so much time to reflect with me and to encourage me. Though I could not take time to respond directly, please know that you were ministering to me!

Blessings on you.

PS For those wanting to know my final grade, I just may post it when I get it. Then again... :)

Quote of the Day

By our prof:

"You can't depend on everything you have learned."

Hmm.

That merited another round of raucous laughter.

Short class period today, followed by a brunch, which we will have here.

Then, despite the words of wisdom, I will try to refresh my memory on everything I have learned.

Compassion - for whom?

The phone rang at 8:30 PM. I'm in the office - doing what? Studying Greek, what else. One last quiz!! So close to the end of these long nights, cramming, cramming, cramming. No life but Greek!

It was Brad, who was at a reception (that I didn't go to) for returning missionaries. There was one who with her daughter needed housing THIS weekend - Friday night, all day Saturday and Sunday morning.

"But this is my LAST weekend of Greek! I will be cramming for the three hour test and then taking it THIS weekend!"

"I explained that and they understand. I will take care of them. You don't have to say yes."

But how do you say no? These are former colleagues, friends. All the other options in the neighborhood must be full.

"I guess so."

Hung up - and was furious! Not sure at whom! This CAN'T be happening! Could there be a worse weekend? How could I ignore them if they are in my home? And I wouldn't WANT to ignore them! But how could I, at the very last stretch of the race, step out of "Greek time", enter "real time" and not panic? And I was struggling last night, trying to remember stuff I've already forgotten and must know for the test, fearful.

Brad came home, heard my huge frustration, and asked the obvious: why didn't you just tell me no?

Because of the above.

He made a phone call and somehow everything was rearranged.

But was this the compassionate thing to do? Compassion for whom?? They have another place to stay, but...

Still feel awful.

Mercy, No Mercy

Yesterday, in the midst of the intensity of the last week, we had a great laugh - again at my expense.

We were correcting (yet another) quiz and challenged our prof to accept an answer that was less than he wanted. Since no one had given the full expected answer, I said, "Ah, come on, won't you just give it to us?" And he did.

Just a few minutes later, we came to another question whose answer was "a lengthened vowel". So why did I blurt out, "Well, not just ANY vowel; it has to be the CONNECTING vowel." Which I had written, of course.

For some reason - extreme fatigue? Weariness? End goal in sight? - that set the class off.

"You want mercy - but you won't show no mercy!" "Blessed are the merciful (from our mornng devotions)!" Don't be "ruthless"!

The humor is no doubt escaping you, but imagine how refreshing to hear peals of laughter coming from our class!

And that day we certainly needed it as one more chair was vacated. We had lost another classmate.

Three more days...

God have mercy.

The Waiting is Over...

...and I got 90%, a B! :)

He did NOT grade the grammatical observations, and KNEW he wasn't going to, but didn't want us to know so we take it seriously.

Seriously?!

AUGH!

Wasted so much energy that could have been put into the rest of the exam!

On to the next quiz...

The Waiting..

...continues. How many times did I check to see if the grades were posted??! Nothing yet.

While the funk has lifted and the pain has dulled a bit, I still am anxious to know how bad it was. I am so grateful that Brad helped me take my eyes off one "bend" in the race and put my focus back on the "finish line".

It reminded me of a race we both entered in Seattle several years ago. Brad is the runner; I am the wannabe runner. But I was fairly confident I could do this race. I was doing so well the first few miles, enjoying the cheers of the crowd as I jogged by - until I came to the on ramp to the Seattle viaduct. Not the lower deck of this ancient dual-level highway but the TOP level. The on ramp went from ground level to the second deck. And it was killing me. I HATE hills.

Reality check. "You are NOT doing as well as you thought you could. You are a failure. You thought more highly of yourself that you should have. You can't possibly finish." Who's voice was that anyway? Then came the suffocating tunnel. It: "Just quit!" Me: "Shut up!"

And you know what made all the difference? Knowing Brad was at the finish line already, straining to see me come into sight, ready to welcome me with gusto! And so taking my eyes off the failure and back onto the goal, I did slog my way to the finish line. And celebrate we did!

Hmm. Good analogy of Hebrews 12:1-3! Praise God he is waiting at the finish line!!

Back to Greek, determined to stay focused on the finish line.

It's a Date!

Needed to get out of the funk! Absolutely no desire to open the books.

How about Saturday breakfast out with Brad? That's our treat on weekends we are both in Chicago.

Didn't do it.

How about a nap?

Didn't do it. Couldn't relax.

How about a blast of endorphins? Went on my 5-mile speed walk.

Didn't do it. Plus I picked the worst time: mid-afternoon with temps in the 90s.

Then Brad, such a great analyst, realized that the "last lap" had a finish line but no "celebration". The immersion back into "real time" was way too fast: chairing a meeting as vice-chair the day I got back and for which I'd have to prepare right after the final; followed by two leaders flying in and staying with us Wednesday-Sunday to do a rewrite of training materials; plus dear out-of-state friends in town and also staying with us Thursday-Sunday ; followed by a regional training session that Saturday. The following weekend was already booked. Where was the time to savor the finish line? Where was the celebration?

So he suggested we do our "Hot-Wire thing" and escape to downtown Chicago over Labor Day. We do this three of four times a year and find it so relaxing/energizing. LOVE the city! The hotel we got is one of our favorites and we're staying three instead of our usual two nights.

Oh man, can't wait!

And NOW...

...back to the books!

Funk

That's a pretty accurate word to describe how I feel post-exam #5.

I know I did not perform as well as I anticipated.

Doing well on the first two sections, worth 35%, will hopefully offset what I will earn on the rest. Will I pass? Probably. (And you're already thinking, "She worries every time - and DOES pass."

The funk mood is not related to a grade. It comes from a disappointment in myself. I studied so hard - but I could not produce what the professor wanted. And I should have. It's embarrassing - and therefore, very humbling - to know that I could not demonstrate proficiency in what he had taught.

And there were some private tears, not exactly crying, but tears nonetheless when I described it to Brad.

We were given a Bible reference and had to tear each word down grammatically, determine the best English translation (work we are very familiar with) and then give as many grammatical explanations of each word or phrase or clause (something new). We were given an example of this the day before. More practise in the new form of the exam would have helped - and that relates to HOW he prepared us - but still there is this acute awareness that there was so much more I SHOULD have been able to do. Thus the disappointment. Thus the funk.

We were going to celebrate the conclusion of another exam with dinner out, but it just didn't feel celebratory. So we ate "comfort food" at home instead and watched a movie together.

Still in the analogy of the race, I ran that third lap with high expectations - but my "time" was far under what I anticipated, regardless of how that compares to the other runners.

So with head down - not in sorrow (well, maybe a little) but in determination - I face the last and final lap. I WILL finish! And I hope my performance on the final in no way overrides the euphoria of crossing the finish line!

Elvis and Greek?

Last night was a first: I completed the quiz by 7 PM! That's at LEAST two hours earlier than usual.

I ran downstairs shouting my joy to Brad...

...who thought such progress was worthy of an ice cream break.

So off we went - YES, I LEFT THE HOUSE, ENTERING INTO "REAL TIME"! - to our favorite "United Nations" ice cream stand, mingling with people from all over the world.

And there on the window was a whole new menu. My eye caught a sundae with peanut butter sauce - and gobs of other decadent delights. I must have this!!

And the name of this concoction?

The Elvis! :)

After licking the bowl, I returned to "Greek time" and prepared for today. REVIEW all day today for one more major exam tomorrow.

At last...

...the Mid-term scores are posted!

...and I PASSED! :)

...with a SOLID B!

WHOOHOO!

That was WAY too much time to worry about it and to think the worst.

Next hurdle: Friday's exam.

Like that runner, putting one foot in front of the other...

What It's All About

Day 22!! Just saying that is encouraging.

Took another quiz last night; felt OK. We correct the quizzes in class right after the devotional.

The devotionals remind me daily why I am there. We're going through Matthew 5-7, and the discussions have gotten longer and longer. What once took 45 minutes is now taking 90 minutes. The discussion on divorce still bothers me and I must follow up on it. I can read the Greek words and need to harmonize my beliefs with the exegesis of the text. Do I accept our prof's exegesis? Not ready to. But no one has the freedom to just pick what one wants the text to say to conform to personal beliefs. The authority is in the text and we are compelled to understand it - and then live it.

And that's what it's all about, isn't it?

Still no mid-term resutls.

Last Lap

Two weeks to go!

The end is in sight. Hope has been restored.

With so much time off, here's hoping I can get back into that grueling schedule of learning something new, studying it, taking a quiz on it and then starting the next new thing - all in 24 hours, minus any time I need for sleep.

Feeling renewed, ready to grind it out.

Thanks for those prayers!